Partners and families often fall into behavior patterns that become almost hardwired and happen without much thought. When these patterns are negative, life can become very frustrating and conflict or emotional distance set in. My family of origin taught me a lot about unhealthy behavior and the need for strong boundaries and self-care. 32 years of marriage and four children, along with both tough and wonderful times, has also been a powerful teacher. It was in working with couples as part of my eating disorders caregiver support group, that I discovered I am quite good at recognizing unproductive dynamics and changing the focus from right/wrong to effective/ineffective, and that men appreciate my directness and humor.